I just want to pause for a moment this week and acknowledge the overwhelming support that I have received since my last blog post. I asked for help and instead of cringing and turning away, you listened. I asked for what I needed and it has been provided for in abundance. I have received texts, tweets, phone calls, letters, meals, and packages from all over...from people who are close to me, and from people who barely know me. And, instead of letting myself feel like a garbage person who doesn't deserve any of it, I have tried to accept the love that is being shown to me: the kind of love that everyone deserves.
And I realized something...that boat that I was talking about lat week: I'm not alone on it. There are many who are already there, or who are willing to climb aboard and weather the storm with me. I am extremely thankful for those people; your presence is deeply felt and it gets me through the darkness.
In the interest of full disclosure, there has been a lot of darkness lately. I have had a lot of fear this week, starting my outpatient therapy program. I feared that the program was not enough to keep me safe. I feared that I would need to go to the E.R. for further support, or that I wouldn't make it through at all. I was afraid of coming home after treatment each day because I didn't feel safe being alone with myself. But, to my surprise, every day this week I have come home to receive some sort of letter or package or message, and it has reminded me that there are people out there who care about me. It has reminded me that I am not alone and that, maybe, I can get through this.
So, I want to say thank you for all of the texts, emails, social media messages, phone calls, letters, packages, and games of Evil Apples (shout-out to #thebloggesstribe). YOU have kept me sane on this boat. YOU have kept me alive. Yes, I am doing a lot of hard work in treatment that is contributing to my well-being, but none of that means more to me than knowing that I'm not alone. In fact, you have reminded me that I'm never truly alone. And, therefore, I have nothing to fear.
Thank you for your love.
Thank you for your kindness.
Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone.
And thank you, thank you, for being on this boat with me.
I think I'm going to be okay.